You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
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