Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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