Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
