I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
