Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
