He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
