Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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