a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
