your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
