roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
