I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
