What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
