There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
