his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
