I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
