I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
