do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
