Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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