hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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