a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize