goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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