worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
should my penis look like a turkey
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
