Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
