Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Your dad touched me again.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize