Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
