She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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