just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
