So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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