half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
