I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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