none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so explain again why im purple
no
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
