Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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