I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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