So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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