I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
