I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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