Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Pants are for mortals
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
