Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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