you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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