Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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