After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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