break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
