Define "chronic" masturbator.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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