You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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