He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is the high leading the old right now
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
