My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
