If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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