we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
