I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
