Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
