We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
