Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize