I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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