They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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