I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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