Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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