I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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