just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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