shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize