Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The uberlube is also flammable
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
