That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
