GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
