He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
