Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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