you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
