Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
