his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
