my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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