He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
im holly from the hills drunk
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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